The Times Jeremy Might've Been In Love
by Kim Denn
Summary: Because we all know that Michael and Jeremy are meant to be. (Or a collection of self-indulgent Boyf Riends fic that are loosely connected.)
1. The Talk

**Title:** The Times Jeremy Might've Been In Love

 **Summary:** Because we all know that Michael and Jeremy are meant to be. (Or a collection of self-indulgent Boyf Riends fic that are loosely connected.)

 **~.~**

 _ **Post-SQUIP**_

 **~.~**

Whispers echoed in Jeremy's ear, it was cruel and hurtful and as he stood in front of Michael's house, he can't help but think that what the voices were saying was correct. He really is a terrible person. And a terrible friend. A cowardly, terrible friend who can't even afford to knock and say sorry to his bestfriend who he hurt despite always staying loyal and true to him.

He raised his shaking hand but he can't quite bring it towards the door, afraid that by doing so then Michael would truly be gone.

' _But isn't that what you want? After all Michael is the key to Jeremy 1.0.'_ Jeremy shook his head and pulled his hair to rid of the traitorous voice that sounded too much like Keanu Reeves.

"No, I-that's not what I want." He murmured as he leaned his head on the door, tears in his eyes. But it was a lie he knew, he could still remember the way his mouth moved and uttered, _"Optic Nerve Blocking on."_

He could still remember avoiding Michael, he could still remember the ghosting pain of loosing Michael, he could still remember feeling like a cripple, as if he lost a limb when he lost Michaela and he can't function quite right, he could still remember the sting and the pain of the shock that the SQUIP gives him every time he thinks about Michael.

And it scared him and he was alone outside and where was Michael, and for some reason desperation flooded his veins, desperation and fear and he has to see Michael, where is Michael? What if he can't see and feel Michael again? Michael, he needs Michael-

Before his brain could catch up with what he was doing, he was pounding on the door and he can't quite breathe and was it raining because his cheeks are wet and he was shuddering and shaking too much and where is Michael? He needs Michael. Michael, Michael _Michael!_

And he was soon calling out on him, having a panic attack outside and if someone passed by they might think that he going crazy but then the door opened and it was his Michael. His glasses-wearing Michael, who always gets high at the ridiculous times and always wears that red hoodie, his Michael who has those cute beauty marks on his face, his Michael who was always by his side, who was loyal to him, who did everything for him, it was Michael who he left and hurt over popularity.

"M-Michael,"

"Jeremy? What's wrong-"

"Michael," He sobbed and stepped forward clutching at Michael like a baby and it was ridiculous, because Michael was supposed to be the one who was hurt and crying but it was Jeremy who was crying and Jeremy hated himself more because he was so selfish and self-centered he was supposed to be the one who was comforting Michael but it was him who was welcomed and accepted with a hug, it was him who was guided towards the couch, it was him who was whispered with sweet-nothings, it was his tears that was wiped away.

 _How did he even come into a decision that he can live without Michael?_ Were his last thought before the onslaught of emotions became too much and he was soon fainting into the arms of his bestfriend.

~.~

When Jeremy opened his eyes he found himself enveloped by a familiar dark duvet that smells too much of his bestfriend, it was warm and familiar. He moaned in distress as he shifted, his cheeks sticky with tears and he already knows that his eyes was swollen before he could even see it.

He looked around the room but the owner of the cluttered room was nowhere to be found. He sat up on the bed, the blanket falling on his lap as the earlier fear and despair churned his stomach.

Where was Michael? Maybe he was downstairs. What would happen if Michael returned? Would he yell at Jeremy? Would he- would he take the chance now to break off his friendship with Jeremy? (There was a voice in the back of his head that said, _weren't you the one who did that?_ ) Jeremy tensed once again, his hand trembling slightly. Would Michael tell him how terrible he is as a person? That he was horrible and ugly and he doesn't deserve Michael and he deserves to die and maybe he should do that. He should just that die because he is horrible and terrible and he left Michael, maybe Michael would do that too. Leave him just like how Jeremy left his bestfriend. And Jeremy deserves to be abandoned because he did just that, and now Michael is going to leave him too and Jeremy would d-

The door opened and Jeremy's eyes snapped on the door. Michael entered the room, his face blank and Jeremy could feel the voices in his head worsening, a familiar voice whispering in his head that he was terrible and he should just-

"Jeremy."

"H-huh?" Jeremy stuttered and he tensed, expecting a shock of electricity but there was none and he remembered that the SQUIP was gone and he feel like a fool as he tried to relax.

"Do you need something, anything? Do you want to eat or drink, or-" Michael stopped his questioning when Jeremy shook his head a little too violently. He pulled the chair from a table in the corner and sat beside the bed watching his friend for 12 years ( _who abandoned you-_ he squashed that thought before it finished.)

"I- Michael…" Jeremy trailed off as he clenched his hand, stopping himself from fidgeting. The spectacled teen stared at him unflinchingly without emotion and Jeremy was hating himself all over again because he knows that. It was Michael's shitty coping mechanism, where he locks all those emotions away, keeps it until it rots him from the inside. And it was all his fault. "Michael, I m-missed you."

"Me too." Michael looked away from his friend and stared at his clenched hand, it hurt too much. He loves Jeremy, and he would forgive him if he apologized but it hurts. It hurts so _so_ much.

"I just- I-I know it would never be enough and I hurt you," Jeremy swallowed back, feeling a knot in his throat and tears in his eyes. "a lot, and I'm sorry Michael. I- I'm so so sorry. Please I just…" Jeremy paused, chewing at the inside of his cheeks, not knowing what to say next so he kept quiet and looked down, guilt not letting him look at Michael's eyes. But Michael didn't say anything and Jeremy never looked up because he was scared, so scared of what he would see. The moment lasted for a few more minutes which felt hours before Jeremy found courage once again and spoke up.

"I- I want to fix this Michael, I'm so really sorry. I-I didn't know why I came to the decision that I can live without you but I was wrong and I'm s-sorry I w-want to m-make it up to you," Jeremy sobbed and took a shuddering breathe as he pressed his hands on his eyes. "B-but I don't know how. A-and I'm so stupid I'm sorry."

"I-" Michael inhaled sharply, trying to form a coherent thought amidst the rainstorm of hurt and sadness. "I thought things would be okay Jer. I thought I would feel okay once you apologized but…. I just, It hurts too much. Do you know how it feels?" Jeremy stayed quiet.

"Answer me! Do you know how it feels?!" Anger coursed at his veins and Michael tried to smother the feeling but he ended up raising his voice. He watched as his friend flinched back and sobbed a no. Michael covered his face with his hand for a moment, trying to calm himself. Hurting Jeremy emotionally would be counter-productive and they wouldn't be able to fix _this_ if he let his emotion run.

"I lost you Jeremiah." There was a silence that felt too damning, it was tense and threatened to swallow the room whole. "You left me. And for what?" There was a laugh that was too bitter and was too sad to be Michael's. "You left me for popularity. You left me so you could fit in with all those bastards who ridiculed you and spoke bad of you. You left me for Christine. And it…. Saying that it hurts would be an understatement Jeremy."

"I-I'm so sorry Michael. I-If I could undo it I w-wouldn't do it and- I, I wished I listened to you from the start I'm so so sorry."

"But you didn't. You didn't listen to me. Who am I anyway?" The laugh he gave was as scathing and was as bitter as the one earlier. "I mean, I'm just Michael the loser, a loner and a fucking stoner. Who would want to listen to Michael who cried himself in the bathroom because his friend wouldn't listen to him and left him to be famous? Right Jeremy? Who would want to listen to a lo-"

"No! No no! Michael no your not." Jeremy said frantically as he tried to stand up from the bed and get closer to Michael.

"You know what Jeremy? I wished I offed myself instead, I wished I was never born, I-"

"Don't Michael please. You're not a loser Michael. You're not, Michael I was wrong, and I was an idiot. I'm so sorry please. Don't say that-" In his haste and probably because he was still weak from waking up, Jeremy wasn't able to steady himself and dropped in the floor.

"I'm so sorry Michael." Then he cried. He sobbed and whatever words that followed was unintelligible. Michael stayed at his seat and watched his crying friend. He tried to unbury whatever hate and anger he felt so he can feel a sense of satisfaction at watching his friend breaking in front of him pathetically just like what happened to him in the party but all he can feel was hurt and sadness.

"I know Jeremy. I know." He murmured and he finally let what his body was begging him to do and soon he was kneeling in front of Jeremy, his arms going around him. If possible, Jeremy cried harder at this and clung at his befriend.

"Shhh. Its okay Jeremy. I-" He closed his eyes, feeling the tears that evaded him earlier, spring in his eyes. "I forgive you Jer. I'm sorry too. I'm sorry that you have to get hurt like this." And they stayed like that. It felt hours and it probably was, with Jeremy clenching a fistful of Michael's hoodie as if afraid that someone would wrench him away from his friend, and Michael holding Jeremy just as hard, swearing that Jeremy would never be stolen away from him, even if Jeremy himself wished too, he swore that he would never let go.

"Michael." He said once the sobbing stopped, but he never pulled back and stayed, leaning his head on Michael's shoulder. Michael acknowledge this with a hum tightening his arms around Jeremy.

"I'm sorry, and I love you." His voice cracked and it was too thick but Michael understood all the same.

"I know Jer, and I love you too."

~.~

 ** _A/N: I love Be More Chill and Boyf Riends fuck._**

 ** _I know. Poor Michael. It was funny though. *laughs. At least for me it was. This would be like a collection of BMC oneshots and some might be connected. This fic is totally for self-indulgence and you might not like some parts but well it was so I can sleep well at night and stops producing plot-fucking-bunnies._**

 ** _It would be mostly Boyf Riends so ready yourself for more gay content and possibly lame-ass OCs. Its status would always be complete but I may add OS from time to time._**

 ** _Hope you like it!_**

 ** _How Claudia Cacace drew BMC Animatics is so freaking awesome. She's so awesome I tell you. Her animatics are in high quality and her little comics were so awesome I can shed tear for every comic. Her channel in youtube is ' ClaudiaCacace' and her tumblr is 'clacomics'. I want to draw or make an animatic like her but I suck so here are some fics. But she also inspired me to practice so I can atleast be decent in drawing. _**

**_She's so awesome I swear! If Szin is THE Queen of Hamilton Animatic (Even though she quit, she would always be queen in my mind) then shit, Claudia is THE QUEEN OF BMC ANIMATIC! I wanna marry her SQUIP. She's so awesome. (She is a she, right?) And well she is planning to make an animatic for the whole musical. Bootleg and all! So yeah, you can support her on tumblr or youtube and she has . _**

**_SoyeahI'mrantinghowembarassingbye._**


	2. Worries

**Title:** The Times Jeremy Might've Been In Love

 **Summary:** Because we all know that Michael and Jeremy are meant to be. (Or a collection of self-indulgent Boyf Riends fic that are loosely connected.)

 ** _*Post-SQUIP_**

"Jeremy."

" _Everything about you makes me wanna die."_

"Jeremy?"

" _Everyone here thinks you're a slob."_

"Hey."

" _Everything about you is just terrible."_

"Jer!"

"Huh?" Jeremy flinched back, almost dropping the game console in his hand. The warm hand that was on his shoulder grounded him in reality. The brunette blinked and looked at Michael, taking note of the worried frown on his best friend's face.

"Are you okay Jer?" Jeremy laughed nervously, shook his head and tried to give his friend a grin which felt to fake and plastic on his face. "I'm fine Michael."

The spectacled boy sighed and placed the game console in the floor. The basement was dark but even with his shitty eyesight he could see the paleness and the sheen of sweat in his bestfriend's face. Seriously, why does Jeremy bother hiding things when he can detect his lie in a mile radius?

"Jeremy, you suddenly stopped playing and pressed pause. You stopped moving ever since." Michael's voice was calm and he moved to sit in front of Jeremy in the floor, with his back on the television. His best friend looked away from him, his hand playing with the edge of Michael's favorite red hoodie which Jeremy borrowed and was currently wearing.

"Michael I'm fine." The addressed teen clicked his tongue at the answer and was surprised when Jeremy flinched back, his hand trembling. Now, there is _really_ something wrong. Jeremy was awkward, fidgets and stammers a lot but those habits disappeared along with the SQUIP. And besides he was now talking with him, with Michael and he lost his shyness towards Michael a decade ago so there is no reason for him to be nervous and fidget.

"Jer please." The shorter boy didn't answer and just bit his lip, his eyes darting towards Michael's chest. If it was possible, Michaels worry sky rocketed at the look in Jeremy's face. Tears were shining in his eyes and it felt as if his heart was being violently clenched. Whoever placed that look on his Jeremy's face would be removed from this world.

The still-worrying boy knelt in front of Jeremy, his hand finding its way on his friend's cheek, his thumb swiping at the tear that fell and tilted his head so he would look at Michael's eyes. And fuck did it hurt. It hurt Michael to see his best friend hurt.

"Jer you could tell me anything. You know I love you right?" Michael smiled when Jeremy nodded and his heart swelled at the trust that was on his friend's eyes. (Michael loves Jeremy so fucking much, but friendship is the only kind of love that Jeremy could give so he swallowed back the bitterness and loved him in secret.) "I won't judge you or leave you. I would always be at your side, so don't worry you could tell me."

"I- Michael," Jeremy paused and inhaled, trying not to cry and sob. "D-do you think I'm a slob? Or I'm terrible? Do I do everything wrong? Am I that horrible? I- Does everything about me makes you want to d-"

Jeremy was surprised when Michael suddenly leaned closer, his arms around Jeremy in a very comforting, warm and familiar hug. And despite the huge urge to hold back his crying, tears were suddenly in his eyes and he was clutching at his best friend as if his life depended on it. He can feel his bestfriend's moving, his hand on his thigh and making it so he was wrapping his legs on Michael's waist.

Michael adjusted and despite Jeremy being a little heavy, he was able to sit on the bean bag with his smaller best friend straddling him. His shoulder was already wet, and he could feel Jeremy shuddering and trying to breathe through his clogged nose. It was hard, seeing his friend hurt and broken and he could only hug him tighter, as his hand shook with hate towards the person who did it and his eyes watering at his hurt friend.

"Jer," Michael paused, swallowing as he can feel his throat closing back with tears. "Wait Jer look at me." Michael guided his friend so he can look at him in the eye, his hands wiping the tears that wet his cheeks.

"Listen Jer, you're a slob we all know that." Michael joked and laughed at this as his own tear fell at his eye. "But you are not terrible Jeremy. You are amazing and beautiful and being your friend is an honor. Being around you makes me wanna live Jer. Being with you makes me hope and look forward for the next day. You are amazing don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

Jeremy's face crumpled, more tears fell and he started crying again. He hugged Michael and started wailing, "I'm sorry Michael! Thank you, I-you're so good to me even though I left you back then I," Jeremy paused as he sobbed and clenched at his friend's hoodie. "I love you too, thank you for not leaving me even when I'm so stupid and mean to you. I'm sowwy!"

Michael froze and looks at his friend, the words echoing in his brain. He can feel his face reddening and his heart seizing up. Man that was bad for his heart.

"Wait Jer, what?"

"I said I'm sorry!" More sobs.

"No wait, you said you love me?" Jeremy pulled back his face still scrunched up, his nose was red as well as his eyes. It was cute. Shit.

"Yes, I mean you're my best friend right?"

Michael's eyebrow twitched at this the moment disappearing like a balloon loosing air and before he can help it, he grabbed the pillow in his floor and shoved it in his friend's face.

"Yup best friends!" If this was an anime, black aura would have surrounded him or he would've sweat dropped but the only evidence of his annoyance and disappointment was his twitching brow and his too fake smile.

"Now wipe your face and let's kick those zombies ass!"

 ** _A/N: I love boyf riends. Yah. Sorry, I tend to make everything more angsty and more dramatic. Hope you liked it though._**

 ** _Do you think they're OOC? I hope not too much._**

 ** _(June 6, '18) Man they're so OOC but my hand is itching and some may (hopefully) find joy in reading this so I posted it. (I can already feel the flames burning me.)_**


	3. Teases and Proclamations of Love

**Title:** The Times Jeremy Might've Been In Love

 **Summary:** Because we all know that Michael and Jeremy are meant to be. (Or a collection of self-indulgent Boyf Riends fic that are loosely connected.)

~.~

 _ **Post-SQUIP where everyone became besties and shit**_

~.~

"You know…" Rich once said as he lazily took a sip in his slushie that Michael bought. The three of them were in Michael's messy bedroom, the basement being too smelly (due to a stupid accident that you don't want to know.). Rich, unabashed that he was crashing on the two best friend's personal time and proceeded to call Jake, stared at Jeremy on his place in the floor.

Jeremy raised an eyebrow at this. "What?"

Rich gave Jeremy an amused smirk, looked at the door and made sure that Michael was not coming before voicing out his _outrageous_ thought (For Jeremy at least).

"You always gravitate towards Michael." Jeremy looked at Rich in confusion before shrugging and picking up his manga again.

"Yeah I mean he's my friend." It was said carelessly and Rich raised an eyebrow at this.

"Of course." The words practically dripped with sarcasm and false sweetness. The bisexual teen groaned a little when he didn't get a rise on the other and just received a mindless nod.

"What I mean tall-ass is that you were practically glued to him. Always within arm's reach, always touching."

"Er, what?" Jeremy looked up and stared blankly at his new friend. Rich's smirk grew at the attention.

"You're always with him except for classes of course. But when you're not you were always by his side. When you smile, he smiles and when he does, you do too. I don't even know if you notice but you constantly look for his presence. Every few minutes, even when you're doing something you always look at your side, as if checking he was there, probably because of the SQUIP." The last part were murmured and by the look on Jeremy's face he didn't hear it.

"If I didn't know…" The short teen practically wanted to bounce at the redness on Jeremy's face. Man, that tall-ass is so fun to tease. "I would think that you…"

"I what?!" Jeremy asked, raising his voice. It even cracked which _almost_ sent Rich in hysterics.

"I would think that you _like_ him." Rich made sure to stretch the word 'like' and congratulated himself at the dumbfounded and red faced Jeremy. He could hear the footsteps, marking that Michael is coming but didn't warn his still shocked friend and giggled when Jeremy opened his mouth but nothing left.

"What lover boy?" He asked snickering when he saw the door knob twist. The door cracked open but stopped from opening further when Jeremy shouted.

"No!"

"I-uh what do you mean?" Rich asked a little surprised at the sudden scream. He glanced at the door which is open enough to see a little bit of Michael's face, the spectacled boy looked at him curiously. He ignored his look and stared at the passionate looking boy who still didn't notice the owner of the bedroom.

"I don't like Michael." Jeremy's voice was not loud but it was firm, and a glance at the door made Rich freeze and understanding coursed through his head at the frustration and hurt that quickly passed in Michael's face.

"I- I love him." Rich choked at his own saliva. The understanding was replaced by shock and he can only gape at his friend. "I love Michael. I want to always be with him. I want to always see him and I keep looking at him because I'm afraid I can't see him once again. I love Michael."

The admission was without stutter and it made Rich smile at the sincerity and surety of the voice. Rich looked at his other friend meaningfully and almost laughed at the hoping and love that passed as quickly as the hurt earlier. He, however composed himself when he saw Rich looking at him.

"After all he was my bestfriend."

"WHAT?!" Rich stood up in surprise. Seriously what the fuck was that? That tall-ass practically claimed he can't live without the taller-ass and then proceeds to claim that it was because the taller-ass was his best friend. What the fuck is wrong with this two?

Rich looked at the glasses-taller-ass who only shook his head, a sardonic smile in his face as if this was the usual, as if berating himself for even hoping and for the second time understanding coursed through his brain and realized that this was the usual between them.

"You're an idiot."

"Eh?" Jeremy asked confused. Rich only shook his head as Michael entered hitting Rich in the back of his head.

"What he said is kinda true though Jer."

"Why are you ganging up on me." Jeremy then pouted at them before picking up the manga again. Instead of sitting next to Jeremy, Michael sat next to Rich. Jeremy looked up again and frowned at this before shoving back the discomfort and read once again.

"You poor, poor guy." Rich said quietly.

'"Shut up you bastard." The two teens on the floor grinned at each other and a thoughtful pause passed.

"But really you have to fall for the naïve and stupid kind huh?"

"S'not like you're any better. So Jake huh?"

"Shut up."

~.~

 _ **A/N: Yo. Here's some not too much angsty fic. And yeah, hope you ready yourself because I like writing Jeremy as naive, slow, ignorant, guileless or whatever synonyms you find. Hope you liked it? Rich is so cool omfg.**_


	4. New Friends

**Title:** The Times Jeremy Might've Been In Love

 **Summary:** Because we all know that Michael and Jeremy are meant to be. (Or a collection of self-indulgent Boyf Riends fic that are loosely connected.)

~.~

Pre-SQUIP

~.~

"Moooom, is the spaghetti done yet? Michael and me are hungry already." An eight year old Jeremy whined at his mother dragging a smiling Michael towards the kitchen. The woman took a look at her pouting son and his apologetic looking friend and giggled.

"Of course sweetie, now both of you take a seat. This would be ready in no time." The two children looked at each other with a grin and raced to the dining table. At this age, Jeremy was taller than Michael with a couple of inches. The two sat down, Jeremy a little more vigorously as Michael tried hard to be polite and fought the urge to start bouncing in his sit like his friend.

"While waiting, why don't you tell me about your day?"

"Yes! Mom! Mom! Me and Michael went to the playground today and..." The mother smiled fondly at both of the children as Jeremy recounted his adventures with his friend, and Michael pitching in just as cheerfully. She was happy but she noticed something, all he told her about was his adventure with his friend Michael. Michael and no one else. It was odd for her, because when she was at his age everyone was her friend.

"Jeremy Dear, was Michael the only person you played with today?"

"Yes of course Mom, he was my friend." The two boys looked at the older woman who paused in putting spaghetti for a beat before continuing.

"You didn't play with anyone else?" She asked placing both of their plate. Michael grinned and said a soft thank you while her son dug in with gusto. She let the impolite behavior pass and waited for answer.

"No Mom. I don't need anyone else Michael is all I need." She raised an eyebrow at her son and looked at his best friend who paused on eating, smiled for a moment and ate again.

"You need more friends son." It was a careless comment. She didn't mean anything by it so she was surprised when her son dropped his spoon. Jeremy jumped of the chair suddenly, his hands clenched.

"No. I don't need more friends. Michael is all I need. He is my best friend, I'm not replacing him with anyone. I don't want anymore friends. Michael is enough and I love him!" Jeremy exclaimed as he stepped closer his friend and enveloping him on a possessive hug (Several years into the future, when Jeremy looked back to this moment, he can't help but shake his head at how unhealthy codependent that is.(But its not like he cares, because it was true. Michael is all he needs.)

Jeremy's mother almost gaped at this (she did not, she was after all an adult and she has to keep an image to keep in front of her child.)

"Sit down young man that was rude." She looked at the petulant pout and patted his head his head affectionately, face switching from stern into a sweeter face. "Of course Jer, I'm not asking you to leave him. Just to have more friends so you can have more playmates."

"No. Michael is all I want." The female brunette laughed at this, shaking her head at the stubbornness that she knew he inherited from her.

"Of course dear." Mrs. Heere sat in the chair once again and faced the glasses wearing boy who was quiet throughout the exchange. Michael had this small smile on his face and the mother can't help but think on how adorable Michael and her child could be.

"Michael sweetie,"

"Yes Mrs. Heere?" He asked, curious.

"Looks like you're the only person he would listen and would want to be with. Take care of him for me okay? Forgive my son for all the trouble he would bring okay?" The both of them ignored Jeremy who shouted an offended 'Hey.'

Michael nodded solemnly, before cracking up with a grin and saying,

"Always Mrs. Heere."

And he did. A decade and a few years later he still was, even though he was set aside and ignored and was chosen to not be seen, he still was with him. He would always be here for Jeremy (Yes he would be, but it still hurt. It would always hurt.)

~.~

 _ **A/N: OKay so yeah, I'm gonna stop saying sorry for how OOC and codependent Jeremy and Michael can be in some of the one-shots because its not like I'm going to change it because it was already written and I'm just posting it. I still hope you like it though. (Sorry if I sound so mean)**_

 _ **So was it okay? Hope you enjoyed it though, love ya all.**_


	5. I'm Sorry

**Title:** The Times Jeremy Might've Been In Love

 **Summary:** Because we all know that Michael and Jeremy are meant to be. (Or a collection of self-indulgent Boyf Riends fic that are loosely connected.)

~.~

 _ **Post-SQUIP**_

.~

"Michael." The said teen hummed i acknowledgement as he traced pattern with the cracks in Jeremy's bedroom ceiling. The shorter boy blue-eyed looked at his best friend who laid beside him comfortably before looking at the ceiling once again.

"Michael, you know you're my favorite person right?" Michael looked at Jeremy beside him who stared right back at him. He laughed softly before looking upwards again.

"Haven't heard you say that in a while." Then it was silent again. Michael knew Jeremy was going to say something, there was tension in the room but he didn't acknowledge it and continued looking for patterns. He kept silent, waiting for what his best friend was supposed to say. There was movement in his side but he didn't look away from his staring contest with the ceiling and he was not surprised when Jeremy shifted to his side, facing Michael, his arms going around Michael's waist.

Jeremy always gets touchy when he was in a somber mood. He always does that when he was contemplating or agonizing about something, and along the way Jeremy would start blaming himself, scratching at old wounds that never truly healed. The hand in his waist clenched the cloth as Jeremy inhaled shakily.

"Michael."

"Yes Jeremy?"

"I'm sorry." Ah there it was. So this was what was bothering him. Michael hummed thoughtfully, Jeremy was the type of person who could never forget. Specially if it was his mistake. He would relieve it for years, nevermind that by doing so he was wounding himself.

With a sad sigh Michael faced his bestfriend, he could see guilt. So so much guilt and he doesn't need to enter his bestfriend's mind to know that Jeremy was drowning.

"Jer, you're forgiven." And it was the truth. He would always be forgiven, he was forgiven before he even apologized. Because Michael loves him. Loves him so so much that he can't bear hatred for Jeremy in a long time. Sure he can get sad or annoyed or sometimes mad (but only a handful of times), but he can never hate him. He loves him far too much and loved him far too long for that.

Jeremy looked at Michael, wondering how he can forgive someone like Jeremy, someone like him who would leave his friend to be cool, someone who could forget his friend to be better, how can he forgive Jeremy for hurting him?

"Michael."

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry." A tear. "I'm sorry." Because really, Jeremy doesn't think that he can forgive himself for hurting his most important person. (He could never forgive himself for hurting Michael, his Michael who loves him, who never leaves him, who saved him when he shut him out, who sacrificed so much for him. He doesn't think he could ever forgive himself.)

~.~

 _ **A/N: I suck. God. I hate myself.**_


	6. Hair

**Title:** The Times Jeremy Might've Been In Love

 **Summary:** Because we all know that Michael and Jeremy are meant to be. (Or a collection of self-indulgent Boyf Riends fic that are loosely connected.)

 ** _~.~_**

 ** _Post-SQUIP where everyone became besties and shit_**

~.~

Michael groaned in frustration as he swept his hair back that for some reason decided to be the most annoying thing today. With months of dismissal, he placed getting a haircut in the back of his list, it was now long enough and keeps on slipping behind his glasses and poking him in the eyes. Not to mention, he forgot his wax and can't keep his hair in place.

He arrived in their lunch table and slumped down, not bothering to get his lunch, he has to do his homework in Math that like his haircut, was placed in the end of his list. He grinned and clapped Rich and Jake in the back that was already there.

Finally being able to sit down, Michael brought out his Math notebook and his pen and started on his homework that was due later. It was not too hard, and he breezed through the Rational Inequalities. He combed his hair back for the hundredth time that day and was surprised when someone clasped their hand in his shoulder.

"Michael, how's class you look like ass, what's wrong?" Michael looked at his best friend, shaking his head at his bestfriend who quoted him.

"Why, Jeremy dear it was the best class ever!" His statement was sarcastic and he took joy at the fact that his bestfriend was laughing because of him.

"No need to be sarcastic Mikey." Michael rolled his eyes at the annoying nickname and returned to his notebook as he combed back his hair that only fell on his forehead once again. He was on his fourth equation before Jeremy appeared, so six more. Jeremy sat beside him with his lunch, planted his elbows on the table and stared intensely at his bestfriend.

Michael felt awkward with all the staring but he shrugged it off and continued answering, trying not to think about the warmth of Jeremy's legs that was pressed next to him and the intense staring that made him want to fidget. But by the fact that his thinking process was slowing down and he can't quite understand what he was writing, he was not successful.

He looked at his bestfriend and was about to say something, but was surprised again when Jeremy's soft fingers carded through his hair, tucking some that was long enough behind his ear. Michael froze, holding his breathe at the feel of Jeremy's fingers.

Michael was used to Jeremy's affections. He was used to laying in bed next to him, eating each other's food and getting up close and personal. The first douse of these affection when he realized he likes Jeremy, sent him flinching back, blushing madly and his heart stuttering. But through the years he got used to it and became a master in one-sided love.

However there were times like this, where Jeremy's eyes looked specially beautiful and his heart was not cooperating, his lungs doesn't have enough air and his cheeks was too hot, there were times where he slips up and he can't help but be flustered and the urge to kiss his bestfriend sends him reeling back.

He flinched back when Jeremy gave him a grin that felt too sweet today. "Your hair is so long now Michael."

"Ah." Was the only think that left his mouth that felt too dry. He swallowed back and looked down on his assignment but his thought process was nowhere near comprehensible and his hand was shaking a little and he must look like an idiot luckily, (or unluckily) Rich poked their little bubble with a comment.

"Well tall-asses, getting sweet huh?"

"What do you mean?" Jeremy asked as Michael looked up and glared at Rich who made the motion of zipping his mouth and returned with his conversation with Jake who gave them an amused smirk. Michael looked at his bestfriend and smiled (fakely).

"Don't worry yourself Jer-bear." He said, ruffling his friend's hair who pouted at him at the mess he made. He ignored Rich who fake-coughed and carded his fingers through his hair again. "And yeah, it was too long huh? Guess I'll have to get it cut now huh."

"Oh, really? It suits you though."

It was an offhanded comment but the next week, he only trimmed it and never bothered with wax, letting it fall on his forehead naturally. And the next, next week, Jeremy acquired a new habit when he sat next to Michael, which was running his hand through Michael's hair at least one.

And he totally failed his Math assignment, only getting 3 over 10.

 ** _A/N: I suck. So reviews?_**


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